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Choosing a Partner

Choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions we make in our lives. 

This singular choice can greatly influence our happiness, well-being, and overall satisfaction.

However, too many people find themselves repeating the same mistakes when it comes to selecting a partner. 

As a life coach with years of experience, I’ve witnessed these pitfalls firsthand. 
In this blog, I share the top five mistakes people make when choosing a partner, along with valuable insights to help you make more informed, courageous decisions.

1. Ignoring Compatibility

One common mistake individuals make is overlooking the importance of compatibility. 

Yes, physical attraction and shared interests are important!—but true compatibility runs much deeper. 

True compatibility encompasses core values, life goals, communication styles, and emotional needs. Taking the time to understand and assess compatibility will increase the likelihood of a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.

2. Relying Solely on Chemistry

Chemistry is undeniably important in a relationship, but it should not be the sole determining factor. 

Too often, people mistake intense physical chemistry for emotional connection. And while chemistry can create a strong initial attraction, it may not necessarily translate into a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. 

It’s essential to evaluate compatibility beyond the initial spark to build a sustainable and fulfilling partnership.

3. Neglecting Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a crucial aspect of any successful relationship. 

It involves the ability to understand and manage one’s emotions, as well as empathize and communicate effectively with a partner. Unfortunately, many individuals overlook emotional intelligence when choosing a partner, leading to frequent misunderstandings and conflicts. 

It’s important to note the emphasis on taking account of your own emotional intelligence.  We all need to do the inner work to ensure we are a peaceful, loving and supportive partner before we ask for that in return.

Prioritizing emotional intelligence in a potential partner will greatly enhance the emotional connection and overall satisfaction in your relationship, allowing you to deepen physical intimacy and lay a foundation of trust and vulnerability.

4. Unrealistic Expectations

Having unrealistic expectations is a common mistake that can sabotage a relationship from the start. 

Movies, books, and social media often depict a romanticized version of love that may not reflect reality. It is vital to distinguish between healthy expectations and unrealistic fantasies. 

Developing a realistic view of relationships can lead to better communication, understanding, and acceptance of your partner’s imperfections, even allowing you to celebrate their quirks and silly habits. 

5. Disregarding Red Flags

Red flags are warning signs that indicate potential issues or incompatibilities in a relationship. Unfortunately, many people choose to ignore or downplay these signals, hoping that things will improve over time. 

As Malcolm Gladwell wrote in his book BLINK, the reason for this is a misplaced trust in our intuition. 

You can trust your intuition 98% of the time—except for in situations of love, because our hopefulness for love will override our intuition all the time.  

Remember to think with your head as well as your heart.  

Ask yourself if you feel safe, loved, and supported with this person. If you feel anxious, uncertain, or questioning, you must pause and figure out if it’s you, or if the person’s words and actions are causing you to feel this way.

Remember: dismissing red flags can lead to heartache and frustration down the road. 

Pay attention to any consistent patterns of behavior that raise concerns, and trust your instincts when something doesn’t feel right.

 It’s Not Too Late to Be Happy

By avoiding these common relationship mistakes, you can increase your chances of finding a compatible partner and building a fulfilling relationship. 

Remember: choosing a life partner is not a decision to be taken lightly. Take the time to evaluate compatibility, assess emotional intelligence, set realistic expectations, and pay attention to any red flags. 

Investing in yourself and your relationship choices is a significant step towards a happier and more fulfilling life.

R.E.W.I.R.E. Your Mind for Lasting Love & Happiness

If you found this blog helpful and are looking for more guidance on navigating relationships and finding happiness, I encourage you to check out my bestselling book, “Six Weeks to Happy.” 

In this guidebook, I provide practical strategies, exercises, and insights to help you make better choices, overcome your life blocks, and create a more joyful and fulfilling life. 

GET THE BOOK
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RONDA ENGELHARDT

Ronda is a Peak Performance Coach focusing on Life Coaching and the Mental Wellbeing of Athletes in her practice. She is also contracted through a large Division 1 University program to work with their athletes as a mental coach. She specializes in fear, pressure, adversity, uncertainty, removing obstacles, anxiety, doubt, recovering from injuries or setbacks, and identity beyond a sport or a role. She provides a proactive approach to the mental health of athletes and teams on wellbeing and the mental side of the game. Ronda is also an accomplished athlete herself and spent five seasons as a head coach for a Professional Women’s Hockey team in the Premier Hockey Federation, and is a scout for the Nashville Predators of the NHL.

Ronda’s education includes undergraduate studies in Psychology, a Masters in School Counseling and post graduate certifications in Applied Positive Psychology, The R.E.W.I.R.E. Mindset Systemᵀᴹ, and is certified as an Applied Positive Psychology coach, specializing in Leadership, Mentoring and Coaching, Teamwork and Collaboration. While Ronda has specialized in the athletic mindset, she is passionate about helping any person wanting to uncover what is possible and learn to use their mind as an asset for reaching their full potential.

SYLVIA HALLIGAN

Sylvia Halligan is a mind-body mental agility and change management coach. She helps organizations successfully lead and navigate change, make it stick, and empower individuals to transform into flourishing, thriving beings. Her personal coaching practice incorporates a blend of eastern philosophy practices backed by western science. Interventions include guided visualization, hypnosis, breath work, embodiment, energy psychology, positive psychology, and neuroscience.

Sylvia is a Yoga Alliance Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT), holds certifications in Applied Positive Psychology (CAPP) and Applied Positive Psychology Coaching (CAPP), and is an ICF credentialed Associate Certified Coach (ACC). She is also a Prosci-Certified Change Management Practitioner and certified in The R.E.W.I.R.E. Mindset Systemᵀᴹ. Specialties: Leading organizations through change and making it stick. Guiding individual change journeys through holistic mind-body coaching. Teaching people to thrive, not just survive.

ANJALI IYENGAR

Anjali is a Holistic Health & Positive Psychology Pracitioner. As a naturally intuitive, compassionate, and deeply empathetic coach, Anjali creates an environment for her clients that allows them to truly understand the connection of how the mind and body coexist and relate to one another. Assisting clients in understanding the mind & body connection, how blocked emotions can reappear in emotional patterning or physical alignments in the body, and aids in healing through the use of various techniques, including The R.E.W.I.R.E. Mindset Systemᵀᴹ.

Anjali holds degrees in Communications and an MBA, along with post graduate degrees and certifications in Applied Positive Psychology, Integrative Holistic Health Coaching and Breathwork.ᵀᴹ

MARJOLEIN VAN DER KRUK

Marjolein is a trainer, facilitator and coach, specializing in Emotional Intelligence and Leadership. In her individual coaching practice, Marjolein works with people to educate and empower them with the tools from Positive Psychology, Self Compassion and Emotional Intelligence. Her work with corporations includes embedding innovative, human-centric mindset coaching, training and facilitation. She’s a Senior Leadership Facilitator for THNK, The School of Creative Leadership in Amsterdam, Netherlands where she develops global leaders in international corporations to unlock their full potential in leading themselves, and others, for greater impact.

Marjolein holds certifications in Emotional Intelligence and Leadership, Applied Positive Psychology (CAPP) and is an Applied Positive Psychology coach. She is also trained in Self Compassion, through the thought leader in this space, Kristen Neff, and is certified in The R.E.W.I.R.E. Mindset Systemᵀᴹ. Marjolein holds a Masters degree in Biomedical Sciences and Post Graduate degrees in Management and Positive Psychology.